Sneezy McFearson

I love to sneeze. I think it's one of the most unique human actions there is. It's very interesting that we have to expel a lot of air quickly through our mouth or nose sometimes. One of the things that I do dislike however, is when a sneeze dissolves right before is shows itself in full glory. It's almost as if it was tricked into coming up by the trachea.

The Sneeze that Survived
written and illustrated by James Harskamp

(Our story starts in the lungs)

Trachea: Hey Sneeze, how you doing?
Sneeze: You know, pretty well. Living the life down here where the moisture is high and the pH is about 7.3.
Trachea: Hey Sneeze, do you want to know something cool.
Sneeze: Yeah, sure, I would love to hear something cool.
Trachea: Actually, on second thought, I can't really tell you, just forget about it.
Sneeze: No no, you can tell me. What is it?
Trachea: Naaaaaaaaaaaaah.
Sneeze: No, you don't understand. I really want to know what it is.
Trachea: Well, only because you're so eager. Did you know that there's something outside of these bronchioles and alveoli? There's a whole world out there, just waiting to be found!
Sneeze: Are you sure? I mean, it's pretty big down here. I don't believe you.
Trachea: Well, believe what you want, if you’re curious, all you have to do is go to Old Man Epiglottis up there and tell him that I sent you. He'll let you through. Then just go straight up past that little dangly thing and you’ll see what I’m talking about.
Sneeze: Alright, I try it, but I still think you're lying.

(Sneeze Leaves)

Alveolus Sac: Is he gone?
Trachea: Ha ha ha, yeah. He's gone.
Alveolus Sac: Phahaha, what an idiot.

(Meanwhile, past the larynx)

Sneeze: Hey, Old Man Epiglottis, it's Sneeze here.
Epiglottis: Oh, hey there little guy. Heh, you look just like your brother. He came past here last week sometime.
Sneeze: Really? The others told me he was dissolved into the bloodstream to fuel Uncle Interstitial Cell.
Epiglottis: No, no. He said he had to go see something for himself so I let him past. Why are you here?
Sneeze: Well, I guess I kind of want to see what's past these ol' lungs. Trachea said there was a whole world past you.
Epiglottis: Well son, he's right. And I won't stop you if you want to go past. Just make sure you stay away from The Tongue. He's a bit of a bastard. He'll hurl insults at you like David and Adam. You still want to go past?
Sneeze: I have to see if it's for real.

(Past Epiglottis and into the naval cavity)

Sneeze: Hello? Is anyone in here?
Olfactory Hairs: Ya Mon, it's a part-ay in here. Feel that wind mon!
Sneeze: It is quite nice, but where is it coming from?
Olfactory Hairs: Way up there mon, just follow the light.
Sneeze: Alright, that must be what Trachea was talking about.
Olfactory Hairs: I don't know mon, your kind usually doesn't do well up there. They seem to shoot out. But sure, keep on moving if you want.
Sneeze: What's the noise?
Olfactory Hairs: Dat's your key to leave broseph. Those noises be coming from the mouth, they know you're hear. He’s a huffing and puffing. Prepare for departure!
Sneeze: No! I refuse. I will not be shot out into a blind existence. I'm not going out there even if it means I have to claw my way back in.

(After much clawing, Sneeze goes back past Epiglottis and into Trachea)

Sneeze: Trachea, you're a jerk.

The End.


So, I'm pretty sure that's what happens every time you loose a sneeze. I can't stand my trachea. It's such a bad-ass.