Tigers

80%. No, that's not the humidity outside right now, but rather the portion of the day I've spent asleep over the past 48 hours. Rebecca and I caught the stomach flu which tickled our bellies in such a way so that putting our faces in a toilet sounded like a good idea. But, after two days and one solid meal later, we're both feeling better.

They say that the first 20 years of your life feel just as long as the last 60. I believe it. I remember how the 8 weeks of summer back in middle school felt so long, while now 8 weeks zip by so fast so that you actually have to take a moment and think about what happened in those two months. And I feel I've barely breached the cusp of that time waterfall. I wonder what the current will look like after having one more person in my life reminding me that I'm not the only person that matters in my life. Bring it, y'all.

I guess to finish this thought nugget off, I'll share something that I thought was not only visually stimulating, but massaged the brain as well.

Groceries

Rebecca and I have been fighting a cold lately, and after being inside all of today, I needed to get out. I guess you could say I was feeling restless, but it would probably be better described as spiritually bloated - I needed less to get outside and more to clear my head.

I walked to the grocery store, and slowly at that. I was in no rush, and nothing in me wanted to be. It was probably -10, but I was bundled up, trying to relieve the gas in my soul. The food isles helped me do that. I picked up a flyer and immediately saw something I knew I wanted to get. I was under no illusion that we were stocked up on this item in the house. I'm also aware that we don't go through the stuff particularly fast, yet there was something deeply satisfying - soothing, even - about purchasing those 400 grams of bulk hot chocolate powder.

I also went to the junk food isle and perused the chip section. Only Lays had the salt and vinegar chips, but when I picked up the bag and pressed my thumb against the bag to feel the contents, I realized two things: first, that I wasn't going to spend 3 bucks on a bag of chips that's only a third full, and second, that spiritually I've been spending those 3 dollars for the past few months. When dollars and chips are put tangibly in front of you, I suppose the lesson is far clearer: why buy a bag of junk that is mostly filled with air? Don't get me wrong, I love my salt and vinegar, but spending money on air is foolish. Spiritually I've come to realize it's no different with how I spend my time. As humans, we are attracted to things that can steal our time. I, for one, tend to be drawn to aliens blowing each other up on my computer screen. However, while desecrating an ultralisk with a fully charged void ray is not a bad thing in and of itself, it can be something that steals our worship. And, if we really look at ourselves, we know that we always need to worship someone or something.

Lately the choice to throw the bag of chips in the cart hasn't been thought about, until the gut rot hits, or the realization that once the bag is open there is far less there then hoped for. Maybe that's why the bulk hot chocolate was so appealing. I saw, felt, and weighed in all 400 g of it. It was satisfying to know what I was getting. And spiritually, I need to invest in the activities I know are fulfilling. I need to start having a lot more hot chocolate.

Fatherhood

In three months I'll have my life change forever. Thankfully it's a change that I've known about for about 6 months now, so I feel mentally ready for it. But, even with the heads up, the thought of being a father is very intimidating, especially being the father of a little boy. How can I, who once was boy (and has bouts of boyhood when I stub my toe and pout) raise this little gaffer in the Lord? How can I instruct him to be kind, gentle, but manly with a backbone? I suppose its best for me to figure those things out first before imposing, but if I've gained anything from education, it would be that learning seems to naturally happen in parallel with other people.

Considering this kid's birth date is set for the ever popular April 1, the day of trickery where malice can be spread in the name of good fun, I've thought of 2, nay, 3 tricks to play on the child, which could determine how he psychologically develops. Well just have to see.

1) Convince him that he can teleport in his sleep. Let's face it, we've all wanted to be able to teleport. Is it really that wrong to give the child a hope that he can? This can be executed quite simply by quietly moving him in his sleep to the garage, kitchen, bathroom, etc., then let him wake up in the morning wondering where he is. After a few nights, "teleport" him to a place where you are, and promptly wake him up, acting excited that he "just" appeared. Finally, let him brag to all his friends of his new found ability.

2) Convince him that there is an invisible member in the family. A child will likely make his own invisible friend regardless of this experiment, so no harm will be done. This of course would need the cooperation of your spouse, but once she is on board the execution is simple. You would just include the extra family member in all your activities, set a plate for them at dinner, and make sure not to sit on him when longing on the couch. Conversation would be a little one sided, but this could just be an exercise to help you think quick on your feet, while possible building up empathy by imagining what this individual feels. Heck, this would probably benefit the kid.

3) Convince him that you and your wife are mentally connected. You can read her thoughts, and she can read yours. Start by breaking out in laughter at random while shooting a knowing smile at your wife, gaily saying "Good one, sweetheart. That was a very clever joke". If the child implores you to explain your special bond, just say that all mommies and daddies have the ability. You can even let your other married friends in on the fun and have them for dinner, allowing only laughing or "mmmhmmm-ing" to occasionally break the silence.

Alas, I'm not a cruel person, but it's possible I can raise my child to be one.