Wednesday, August 08, 2007

The Old Man I Wish I Was

So, after thinking about getting older, I've decided to do a "hopeful" list of each decade in my life on.

Twenties: I hope to get some sort of musical career. Whether this is playing guitar, doing electronic mixes on my future Apple, or training a choir of cats to meow in harmony (and possibly do my bidding at night), I think it would be neat if one day I had a CD in stores. I'd also hopefully like to start my career, which could be a professional diver, high school teacher, dolphin trainer, medical doctor, professional squeegee guy, manicurist or possibly a elementary school cross walk guy...though that last one might be for the 60's.
Optionals: Marry my future wife and start my basketball team of children.

Thirties: If you've talked to me about the thirties, you'll realize that I think it's the weirdest age that you can be. I know very few people in their thirties, probably because most of them are "hold-me-closer-tiny-dancer"ing their families, making sure their kids get a good start in life seeing as they most likely would be potty trained and able to do chores. So I suppose, if the optional in the 20's happens, I'll be lost in the decade raising my kids trying the be the best and strongest dad there is. I want my kids to be able to say "my dad is stronger than your dad" and then set up a date where I can beat up all their friends fathers. Attached to this decade would be me trying to stay in shape.
Optionals: Get a very obscure pet for my kids to grow up with. This could include a skunk, porcupine, or some sort of air-breathing fish that they could walk on a leash in the park. They would have to bring a small tub of water along though, of course, so that the fish (Greg) doesn't dry up.

Forties: This, ladies and gentlemen, is the golden age. You've been working long enough hopefully to know the in's and out's of your job, including what you really enjoy, and what you don't enjoy and how to do as little of it as possible. By this time the children are getting to a point where they can take 2-3 hours of drills a night on the court without passing out, as well as getting to a point where they can start reasoning with you. Yes, maybe they'll get lippy, but it's kind of fun, I'm sure. If the wife and kids thing doesn't happen at all by the time I'm 40, I'll most likely be living in an underwater house in Cultus Lake where I can periodically put on scuba gear and scare children. Please note that this "scuba gear" is, in fact, suit that would look like either an aquatic creature, or Hagrid.
Optionals: Start a school for children on strategy for computer games. Realize that at this time, most computer games will be physical in some way, so it's basically a PE class with bitching graphics.

Fifties: Wow...let's see..., 2037. Most likely there will be a crazy cool flying car out there that I could snag second hand from the early 2020's; Vintage, you know. That will be my half century present to myself. I would probably start raising pets that could double as food, such as rabbits or pigs. I would only let one pig in the house at a time, and it would get to sleep at the foot of my bed. The next morning I would have bacon or sausage. Nonsense, I'd have both. I would probably plan on creating cold fusion at this point so I could retire by my 60's.
Optionals: Learn to crochet.

Sixties: As said before, I would be retired and now tonnes of time on my hands. This would be spent playing video games, visiting grandchildren and also being the crosswalk guy for before and after school at primary schools. I think I'd also do it at the local university and see what the response is. I could be "Old Man Harskamp" that gets invited to all the parties, but declines the offers because my wife would be making a mean stew that evening. "Sorry guys, it has three kinds of meat in it, been waiting for this one for a while" is what I'd say, and they would respond, "Say hi to the Mrs., she's one heck of a lady" to which I would respond, "Damn straight boys, damn straight."
Optionals: Pick up rock-climbing / live in a duplex with Stewart, his wife near his reptile refuge.

Seventies are too far away.

After this, I realize that I'm looking forward to the future.

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