Babes in Lab Coats

Sparked by the question of Ryan and upheld by the approval of Dan Brouwer, I shall further expand on the topic of lab coats and those who wear them. As it is often seen past the 1980's, more and more women have started to apply themselves to the world of science. Just a joke, settle down. I know that there have been female scientists before that. Shoot. Carrying on.

These women, just like the men that wear them, require coats to protect themselves and their clothes from corrosion and possible mutations. But what happens, you may ask, if that special female science student, or as I call them, FSS, catches your eye and you are determined to win her over. Yes, it is true that the female gender can often increase their attractiveness by sporting a white coat mainly because it demands authority, and thus making the FSS a truly powerful being.

The following is a way to get the FSS's attention, impress her, and eventually wed her, or at least get her to go with you for a coffee or a movie. Firstly I would like to lead you on how to get the FSS's attention. Being that the FSS has an aura of intelligence around her, some English or Psychology majors might feel intimidated and not up to par. This is a fair feeling, but with some effort on your side, you can put up a temporary "smart shield" to fool her and to impress her. The concept of the shield is simple, however is not readily apparent. Let me explain.

Due to the fact that science students, especially the FSS's, deal with glassware a lot, some silicon ions from the glass have the tendency to wear off onto the students fingers. This silicon, if not washed off, can react with the lipids (essentially the oil) that your fingers extract. This silicon-lipid compound, often called a silipid, can affect the perception centers of the brain if ingested. To get the FSS to lick her fingers and ingest the silipid however will prove difficult if you do not have a MSS as a friend. Organize with the MSS to place honey on the test tubes that the FSS will be using. When the FSS asks the MSS what the sticky substance on the test tubes is, he will simply reply "honey, I eat it as a snack in the lab." She will then agree that honey is tasty and proceed to ingest the silipid. After this has been accomplished, the only thing left for you to do is to impress her by stating a random fact that has to do with science, such as "A good blood pressure is 120/80," or "the speed of light is fast than I can sprint." This puts up a barrier of intelligence around you, known as the "smart shield" (4583 armor, +50 intelligence, chance on hit to say something smart.) She will be so enthralled with these factoids, that she will then recognize you in the hallways from that point on. You have got her attention and impressed her, simply by spreading honey strategically on some test tubes.

Proceed by acquiring money and buying a ring. Then once the ring has been purchased, explain to the FSS what type of metal it is along with the purity of it and the metals molar mass. The final step is to place the ring on her finger, and thus making her your fiance.

Confronting the FSS is the hardest part because their aura of intelligence is intimidating. However, if you can get past the point of feeling inferior to a smarter person, then you will be in the clear with a happy future ahead of you, including a wife that looks fantastic in a lab coat.